Cat “tweeting” and why civilization will destroy itself

Oh Jesus. Every once in awhile things are invented for the seemingly sole purpose of showing us why humanity is doomed. Things like segways, the KFC double-down, Justin Beiber, baby cages, dog snuggies, fake ponytails and now THIS:

twitter collar on a stuffed cat because no cat would ever wear it

The cat twitter collar. Yes, it is what you think it is. It’s a stupid collar that you attach to cats that has a sensor that can tell what the cat is doing and tweets some stupid message. Like if it the cat is eating it tweets, “mmm. this fish is delicious!” and if the cat is sleeping is says “swoooo twiwerd” in a baby voice and millions of cat people lovingly squeal because Snookins is “talking.”

Mazel Tov Snookins

God, I feel you Snookins. Because, for him, this is nothing new. His life has been one of torture. Cat leashes, cat “spas” (because cats love strangers!), cat photo ops, creepy snuggle sessions with “mother,” so honestly, why not cat twitter?

THIS is why civilization will destroy itself. It’s only a matter of time. It’s pretty much the premise of the movie Idiocracy (great concept and terrible movie by the way). Basically, stupid people reproduce at a faster rate than smart people because smart people weigh the consequences, which will inevitably result in stupid people running the planet and watering all our crops with Gatorade instead of water because it has electrolytes.

Cat twitter just brought us one step closer. Bravo.

(Oh and if you have free time, TIME magazine just listed its 50 worst inventions of all time. worth a read here)

God hiking equipment is awesome, why not use it (Part II)

Afternoon reader(s). What a day! Look outside! Doesn’t it make you want to go CAMPING??? … Maybe? … please … for Earth Day?

Okay. For those of you that thought “yes!! what an idea! Wait. I have no tent, no idea where to go, god, SO tired, do I really want to spend time organizing this?? I mean I could just go sit in an outdoor patio with a beer then read in a park, a park is nature-y right? RIGHT???” then I sympathize. Because although I love hiking, camping just stresses me out. Like the planning and the renting and the driving and the possibility (especially around the District) that although I imagine this:

I could easily end up with this:

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God hiking equipment is awesome, why not use it? (Part I)

Views from Old Rag in Autumn (from

One of my pastimes is buying hiking gear and never using it. I can’t help it. It’s just so attractive in the store. Boots that water just glides off of, a fancy pack that melds to your back, a camelbak water pouch that attaches to your backpack so you don’t need to even open a water bottle but can just drink through a little tube without breaking stride like this:

Oh. You think it’s nerdy? Just you wait, dear reader. Wait until you are out hiking and thirsty and tiredly drop your nalgene and get dirt all in your water rendering it undrinkable while I have a camelbak so that can’t happen. And I just laugh. ANWAYS, like so many people, I own the stuff but never actually go. I just put it off. That is, until my fitness brother made me actually go. We hiked Old Rag Mountain. Arguably the most famous DC hike. It looks like this…..

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