I know, I know. This post has absolutely NOTHING to do with Washington, DC. But after the 14th straight day of having to sift through “funny” Facebook and Twitter status messages that reference one of Sheen’s drug and prostitute -fueled quotes, I am ready to quit reading.
As a blogger (even a conscripted one, such as myself), a common strategy is to see what is trending on Twitter. It’s a pretty consistent way of gauging which topics will have the most traction. That being said, admitting anything I have ever written was at all influenced by twitter is grounds for my own euthanasia. Anyway, much to my dismay, “#winning” and “#tigerblood” were at the very top of the list. Want an example of what one such person thought was pressing enough to share with the rest of the world?
Despite all logic and decency saying otherwise, thanks to Charlie Sheen, Twitter has actually become more stupid.
Look, I get that us white folks love quoting things more than we even love camping or Michel Gondry, but how have you people not learned the lessons of Dave Chappelle, those awful Budweiser “Wassup?” guys, or the countless other catchphrases that we killed before it? I hate to be the one to tell you this, but reposting “funny quotes” does not have some sort of transitive property – you won’t suddenly become funny because of it. If anything, it will have the opposite effect:
Yesterday an acquaintance posted a legitimately funny picture, with the caption “Winning”. I informed him that Charlie Sheen quotes have jumped the shark and his caption detracted from the post. He responded by saying “the phrase ‘jumping the shark’ had jumped the shark and should be retired.” I rebutted with this:
God, it’s absurd how much I owned him there.
At the end of the day, the same cretins that make these posts are to blame for them even existing in the first place. At best, Charlie Sheen is a sad drug addict that clearly has some very serious mental health problems and should be treated. At worst, he is a woman-beating sociopath that should be in jail. But, for some reason, the majority of Americans are so serially unfunny they’ve made the abnormally retarded “Two and Half Men” the most popular show of the past decade, causing Charlie Sheen to make $2,000,000.00 an episode to fund his own private whore island.
The best thing to do is to stop reposting his rants, stop watching his stupid shows and move on to something a bit more challenging. It will force him to get the help he needs, save me from wanting to annihilate everything and just maybe it will make you a little funnier. Who knows, maybe pretty soon we’ll go back to intelligent commentary like this: