Top Chef DC Recap: Episode 1, House of Chef-presentatives

God. SUCH a bad pun and so many more to come. I mean, the season tagline is “Hail to the Chef,” which is not only  a pun, but a mediocre one at that.  Anyways, for those that didn’t see the premier episode, the quickfire was a skills-based challenge of dicing onions, peeling potatoes and other such things, and the actual challenge was to create a meal that represented where they were from. GREAT first challenge in my opinion, alot of creativity and opportunity to cook what they know. 

Such eager little cheftestants

 Also we start to see some trends emerge: most notably, Kenny and Angelo. The front-runners in both challenges, Kenny’s rational humility will be a lovely contrast to to Angelo’s inane Monte Carlo bravado (GOD will that get old). We will see if they maintain, as we remember Jen’s flameout last season, but I think they will. I also loved that Alex’s deconstructed borscht panned out. I mean, who saw that coming? 

Ah, the Jen Face. Such memories

As for the DC area folks, well… 

they did okay. Tamesha, the sous chef at the Oval Room, is only 24 and the youngest cheftestant. She was axed pretty early in the quickfire and fell in the middle for the actual challenge. Then there was Timothy, top four in the quickfire and bottom four with the rockfish. Sigh. Rockfish was such a good choice, but when going up against the wonderful and talented Eric Ripert, you best know how to cook your fish. He did not. 

Tim, fyi, I can’t deal with such inconsistencies, I already have the HOYAS. 

Yup. That sums it up

And the loser? Crazy but nice McDreads maple syrup? We saw it coming a mile away. Because the first rule of Top Chef is DON’T DO DESSERTS. Honestly, unless you are a pastry chef and that’s your thing, but even in that case I would suggest doing a savory puffed pastry. John should have known better. And he didn’t even make his own dough. It had to be. 

FINALLY, and most importantly. Why wasn’t I invited to the “party of 300 young DC professionals?” I mean, 300?! God, and the people in attendance either said things like “it had good sauce” or acted like Dr. Chef all of a sudden, complaining that the “flambe overpowered the fish.” Whatever that means. 

SPY waiting for an invite

Do you know how many witty comments SPY could have had??! Do you have any idea?! I would have come in, engaged Eric Ripert with my witty banter over a glass of wine, he would have invited me and all my friends to his restaurant, West End Bistro, free of charge, and you would ALL be cooler now by association. 

Yeah, that could of happened, but it didn’t. Thanks Top Chef.

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