Why did Mark Souder cheat? DC made him do it

In one of what seems like 27352604 pro-abstinence, pro-bible, anti-gay (apologies, pro-”family”) cheating scandals, Mark Souder (IN-3), cheated on his god-fearing wife with a female staffer. Sigh. Here we go again. The tears, the appeals for JC’s forgiveness, the blathering on about losing sight of some ambiguously-defined values, and of course the explanation of WHY.

Ah yes, the eternal, CRAZY question of why an unattractive, arrogant politician surrounded by younger people that care far too much about about his opinion, would trade in fidelity with his wife back in Indiana to sleep with a young piece on the side. Hm, let’s think. Could it be because he was an unattractive, arrogant politician surrounded by…. no, no that’s not it. Sex addict? No, that would mean it was his fault. I know, how about the “poisonous environment of DC?” That’s it! Per Souder’s resignation:

IT HAS BEEN ALL CONSUMING FOR ME TO DO THIS JOB WELL, ESPECIALLY IN A DISTRICT WITH COSTLY, COMPETITIVE ELECTIONS EVERY TWO YEARS I DO NOT HAVE ANY SORT OF “NORMAL” LIFE – FOR FAMILY, FOR FRIENDS, FOR CHURCH, FOR COMMUNITY…. IN THE POISONOUS ENVIRONMENT OF WASHINGTON DC, ANY PERSONAL FAILING IS SEIZED UPON, OFTEN TWISTED, FOR POLITICAL GAIN.

Yeah, don’t know how an affair could be “twisted” really. You kind of either did it (and by “it” I mean “her”) or you didn’t . Of course all the other pro-”family” groups rallied behind Souder, talking about how “if [he] is capable of sexual misconduct, it could happen to anyone. The frat house environment on Capitol Hill does nothing to encourage accountability” (Concerned Women of America). Okay, to this whole affair I have two points:

  1. Where is this DC sexy party and can I come? Because to me, DC is filled with people get paid far too little, wear pants far too short, and love happy hours where they can drink and quiz each other on international capital cities. So either Souder and I run in different circles, or he just banged whoever was around.
  2. Souder got it right. Well at first I thought he did. Because look, everyone knows American values are in small towns and not in cities, since cities are filled with gays and minorities. So Souder basically stated the obvious, if he had stayed in God’s country, he would have remained of the Lord, but he left and crossed paths with the Devil. It could happen to anyone really.

OH WAIT.  Turns out Souder slept with this women in remote national parks throughout Indiana.

Ix-nay on the DC-ay.

(Quotes taken from the Huffington Post and Salon)

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