So I was walking around Pentagon City mall yesterday and saw this:
God. I had forgotten how creepy mall Easter bunnies were. Even for adults. Such large, hollow dead eyes. Weird human clothes. Usually silent, just staring and nodding in their garden habitats of picket fencing and fake flowers. I decided to look at other Easter bunnies around the country for comparison. Not much better. I mean, they tended to look like this:
Jesus. Especially Hawaii, what were you thinking? Could you imagine walking up that red path to that thing? That silent creepy dead-eyed thing? The kids are trying, they are. They cannot logically put together where they are and what they are doing, and what that rabbit is, but I mean neither can I. They just know they will be sitting on that warm man-bunny lap until they smile, and eventually (well sometimes) they relent.
So parents, for the sake of your children, just skip the bunny this year. The Bunny is not Santa Claus, there is no American cultural thread of talking to a giant bunny on Easter. It’s just another photo op that terrifies your children to be sent in a card that the recipients barely look at anyways. That’s what I would do at least. And I bet that Jesus agrees.