SO. I, like many of the gentiles around, went away for Easter weekend and managed to escape the hordes and hordes of cherry blossom tourists that descended upon our town this past weekend. And I mean DESCENDED. Friday was the second all-time highest traffic day in D.C. Metro history. 891,240 trips total. Second only to Obama’s inauguration.
Good god. 891,240 AC-broken, cramming both sides of the escalator, drippy ice cream cone, souvenier FBI hat trips. Trips that systematically ignore your feeble pleas to move to the right on the escalator until you finally snap and shove your way through herds of small children to only to see your train pulling away and you frantically look up at this:
Except, as we all know, there are no numbers. The sign just reads “—” as it always does when its packed. You know you’re screwed. And you know the next day will be the same. God. Flashback to every summer in DC EVER. But I digress. Because South Carolina’s Department of Tourism decided to capitalize on these tourist herds at Pentagon City Mall by doing THIS:
NIGHTMARE CITY. Yes, those are life sized mannequins. Yes, they are scattered about Pentagon City mall like real people. And yes, that is the Pentagon City mall elevator as a lighthouse.
Quite a bizarre, expensive endeavor, no? I researched and found out they did this in King of Prussia mall too. SO. I have a question, South Carolina. Putting my fears of your mannequins coming alive at night and killing people aside, why did you have them doing such universal activities? Flying a kite, water-skiing, fishing, para-something-ing, could be done anywhere. To be honest, aside from the lighthouse, which could be an SC hint a la Hilton Head, I would have never guessed your state for this campaign. Look. Nobody likes mannequins and everybody likes pictures. So why not replace your ad with beautiful pictures of YOUR STATE. Like this:
Ah. Much better. And you get your Hilton Head lighthouse. Now THERE, I would want to go. Perchance a post later in the afternoon. Stupid Stupid Duke.
(Oh and apologies. I originally said the metro record was set Thursday, it was Friday, April 2nd)