Please explain in what plane of existence one needs to inhabit in order for this intersection to make sense?

19th and T NW

This intersection is on IronCitySpy’s daily commute home. It’s also the home of IronCitySpy’s daily-vehicular-near-death/near-homicide. While it looks like a perfectly normal 4 way stop , look closer — only two parties are required to stop. The other two can zip on through. While a 2 way stop isn’t asinine on it’s own (well it kind of is), consider the following:

• Parked cars are allowed to flank both stop signs. While seemingly benign, this actually creates a sinister Catch 22. In order to see if there is on-coming traffic (that is not required to stop), I must move my car into said intersection in order to see past the cars (and likely getting hit by said oncoming traffic in the process). Or, I can just assume there are no cars coming and try to bulldoze my through (again likely getting hit by oncoming traffic, which again is not required to stop).

• This intersection is also the mecca of pedestrians/bicyclists. And not just any pedestrian/bicyclists, but some sort of weird Bermuda Triangle of douchery where 30 somethings that assume it’s appropriate to travel by longboard are genetically drawn towards. The rare moment when you see there is no oncoming traffic, you can bet a carnival of “Paperboy” characters will descend all around you — seemingly with the sole objective of being run-over by your vehicle.

%*$^&$^)*&$

DC, your transportation network is an easy target and is ripped on quite a lot. But this is an easy win and a quick fix. Make 19th and T NW a 4 way stop. If you do, you’ll gain a fan for life. But do it quickly, because at this rate I’ll be incarcerated for running over a dude juggling fire*

-IroncitySpy

*Paperboy, anyone?

In addition to recently selling out and getting advertising dollars on here, I’ve also been asked to moonlight at the very good Caps blog “Stop throwing hats“. What’s that? Why did I agree to work on a blog that gets it’s moniker from insulting my favorite player? Short answer, daddy’s got to eat. The proprietor is a talented writer that is getting a good deal of exposure (some of it nationally). Continuing my personal mantra of never being afraid to follow others, I am basically hoping to ride his coattails to some blogger glory. He is giving me complete creative control, and rather hopes I narrow in on what it’s like being a Penguins fan in DC. If you are interested in either the Pens or the Caps, I hope you will grace my unlettered scribblings from time to time.

At any rate, if you are interested my first article centers around the Pen’s and Cap’s tribute to the tragic fate of the doomed Lokomotiv team.

Much like the rest of the country, real estate in the District is way down and the struggles continue. However, there are amazing opportunities all over the city for consumers and investors alike. The rental market has amazing opportunities as well. There are Washington DC apartments for rent that are offering unheard of deals. Bargains are available in all areas of town and it just takes some digging to find them. Do your research prior to looking and you be equipped to find a home at the best price point possible. It’s important to know exactly what you are looking for and also be flexible enough to go forward when you find a deal you can’t pass up. Whether you are looking to rent, buy or sell, don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are resources and professionals that can guide you through this process and they know the shortcuts to cut the red tape.

IronCityspy's present mood. Credit to OMGkitty.com for the perfect image.

As is well known to our longtime reader(s), DCSpy and I love the Summer. We love the sunlight, long hours, warm weather and trips that are synonymous with those glorious 3 months. So when I read twitter statuses that say “So excited to wear scarves again!!!” Part(most) of me dies inside. Don’t you people realize you have like 8 months of scarf weather!

Jesus

DCSpy tends to be of the opinion that as long as Fall is here, we may as well embrace it. This position is anathema to me. Summer, in many ways, is like my best friend. I look forward to it before it arrives, can’t get enough of it when it is finally here and I am terribly sad when it leaves. Fall is Summer’s murderer/rapist. But unlike typical murder-rapists, I am then forced to hang out with the thing that forcibly sodomized and stabbed my best friend. Then I have to hear about what a great guy he is by literally everyone I am associated with!  Look, he may have some good jokes and can turn the occasional phrase, but at the end of the day he still left my beloved Summer in a dumpster behind the KFC.

It is because of this that I will be curmudgeonly during any and all fall activities I am forced to participate in. Yes apple picking and Halloween may be fun, but they can’t replace my best friend.

-IronCityspy

P.S. Not to clog my inbox about the Fall vs. Summer argument again, but I have one question for the Summer haters. When you go on vacation, do you go somewhere that is 60 degrees and overcast? No, you go somewhere that looks like this:

Year-round Summer!

Checkmate.

It seems the organizers of Thursday’s thirst DC event took this mantra and completely ran with it. It’s also unfortunate DC’s beloved boozy man of letters is too ill to take advantage of this gathering, as it seems right up his alley. Let me explain:

The underlying theme of thirst DC (assuming I understand the  press release) is the old concept of stuffy lectures is outdated and pointless. Gone is the packed auditorium filled with professorial types, listening to one speaker drowning on and on about a single topic, only to be interrupted by the occasional golf clap. In it’s place is a lively social gathering, where several renowned speakers give short, impassioned talks about a wide-range of topics. Instead of listening passively, all that are in attendance are encouraged to engage fellow participants and even lecturers themselves — all with the help of generously available liquid courage.  The idea being that smart and passionate people should engage each other, and from there we add to the marketplace of ideas (a phrase ruined by Libertarians).

Not quite what you'll find on Thursday night

To thirst DC‘s credit, they do have quite an eclectic guest list:

• New York Times Best Selling Author and Blogger, Chris Mooney
• Theoretical Mathematics genius/Wall Street guru Shaun Maguire
• Technology and culture expert Melissa Pierce
• Smithsonian anthropologist Briana Pobiner
• Documentary star and social media expert Shauna Dillavou
• Weather marketing expert Daniel Alexander

Sidebar: What the hell is weather marketing?!?!

Obviously this event isn’t for everyone. It requires participants to be “utterly fascinating“, and as someone that argued the merits of Harry Potter v. The Lord of the Rings on Facebook for the better part of 4 days, I clearly don’t qualify. That being said, DC is perpetually in need of splashes of color — which this event provides in spades. We have never been short on intellectual capital, so why not use that resource and marry it with some cosmopolitan flair. At the very least, the combination of pretty people and stiff drinks is superior to my typical Thursday night. Go forth and thirst dear readers!

- IronCityspy

Thursday, August 25th, Bier Baron Tavern: 7:00pm - 2:00am

Register at thirstdc.com or directly at Ticketleap. Tweet us @thirstdc or join our FB group to receive a discount code on your tix.

You'd have to work to get off of this.

Assuming this isn’t a suicide, my initial thoughts are how stupid and sad this is. She really had to work to get to where she was (as the above picture illustrates) and it’s shocking for her to die in such a vulgar and extreme way. I feel very bad for her family.

My second thought is; “how the hell hasn’t this happened at Local 16, Cleveland Park Bar and Grill or dozens of other local watering holes?  Absolutely no disrespect to either establishment, as I’ve frequented them both more times than I care to admit. But half the time I’m shocked I’m even able to make it home. So when you couple that with my abysmal coordination, the fact I am typing this now is an utter affront to science and the natural world.

Not exactly good for keeping drunks from falling off -- or White Walkers

I know two and three stories aren’t usually enough to kill someone, but still you’d think we’d hear more about this. At any rate, this is a very sad story and I really don’t think the W Hotel could have done anything differently to prevent this. I’ll let you know if anything new comes of this.

-IronCityspy

• Washingtonians are married to their jobs. Because we are so career oriented, we have no time for relationships
• Women outnumber men by a surprisingly large amount. There are 112 women for every 100 men.

Accurate approximation of IronCityspy

The first point seems dubious to me. While it’s true we are a career obsessed city, we work far fewer hours than the majority of the big cities. Moreover, places like New York and Chicago are never uttered in the same “it’s hard to find men” breath. While I think it’s true people that are career oriented tend to get married later (as do most educated adults), I doubt it will cause men to not date.

The second, actuarial point seems far more accurate to me. Because there are greater numbers of the fairer sex, it allows us men to be something that we rarely are; picky. While I am certainly setting myself up for an onslaught of hate mail (shock), there is a nice cemetery to this. Throughout our entire lives, men have to compete with each other to win women’s affection. I personally find it sort of nice to be in the other camp for a change.

Maybe I should rethink this whole DCspy thing. I mean, it’s been great and all, but apparently I am in demand. Plus I could start referring to her as a “Spinster”, which would be excellent.

-IronCityspy

Oh, and ladies, I do have plenty of single friends that aren’t career obsessed. I mean, they tend to be of the small and ginger variety — but they’re out there. Don’t all start lining up at the door.

Ping pong...really?!?!

Ugh. Ping pong ( I refuse to honor it with the moniker ”table tennis”) is one of the nerdiest and least graceful-looking activities one can do. Don’t get me wrong, I love it. But I typically look like a less-puffy version of David Cameron while playing it. But not stupid Obama — he looks cool, calm, coordinated and determined. I mean, does he ever look awkward?

Oh wait, nevermind:

-IronCityspy

Dupont escalator closed for an effing year.

Yes, in yet another blow to Metro (though to be fair, no one has died for a while) Metro has announced it will need to close the Dupont and Foggy Bottom escalators for an entire year to perform comprehensive repairs. Seeing as Metro is the perpetual piñata for us DC bloggers, I am sure most of you have heard this by now. And not to pile on, but why does Metro continue to fail at implementing a technology that was essentially perfected around the same time as the radio?

That 1859 is not a typo

I am all for Metro finally addressing the problem directly and not just throwing a few bandaids on it — but the escalators have been in constant disrepair for the better part of a decade. Something tells me if they had been honest with themselves and done this earlier — a year’s worth of repair probably would not have been necessary. Hopefully they learn from this.

-IronCityspy

Typical introduction to IronCityspy

But I think some explanations and caveats are in order. DC Spy was forced to slow down her frenetic pace of posts due to an enormous amount of first year law school commitments (volunteering, participating in competitions and general law school rigor). Then, come finals, she had no choice but to simply abandon this blog — and in essence all of you. Now here you are, starved and half deranged from months in the wilderness. What’s that? Why didn’t I fill in the gap with my usual weekly posts? Look, Madden 2011 doesn’t play itself.  I had a very promising young quarterback that needed developing, and, well, it’s called commitment. 

Anyway, there was a window there where Spy sincerely considered closing down this blog for good — especially while she spends the summer in Germany helping Russian Oligarchs make more money. But in the end, the enjoyment we get from writing this silly blog and the shocking amount of good-will we’ve received from all of you was simply too much to ignore. So away we go, with a slightly new format. IronCityspy(me) will be handling the bulk of the posts, while DC spy will take over my old slot of ancillary ones. So what does that mean for the content of this blog? 

Honestly, we don’t know. I can’t guarantee I’ll keep up with her absurd pace — and half the time my “posts” will be nothing more than pictures with quasi witty captions. But when I am inspired, I do tend to write about places in DC I love, DC absurdity, religion and of course politics (*not stupid partisan hackery — I’d rather blow my brains out than read more of that). Spy will compliment me with fashion, restaurants and her other typical musings. 

So what’s today’s DC topic? Really?  Look, I need to walk before I can run so you’ll have that tomorrow. In the meantime, in honor of DC spy, enjoy this cat video. 

My work is done. 

-IronCityspy 

*For those that are inclined to partisan hackery, please follow Matt Trojan @filibstr — though good luck not defenestrating yourself after reading a few tweets.