Mourning DC’s brackets

After watching Georgetown and George Mason “perform” this past weekend, the spies are in stunned silence.

IronCityspy's bracket being mourned.

I mean, Georgetowns third straight 1st round exit (and second straight demolition) has given Spy such an eye twitch that I am unsure when she’ll be blogging again. As for me, I went from the euphoria of this:

To, well, this.

God, adding insult to injury, my bracket looks like a stillborn pterodactyl (when it’s early my analogies become entirely Jurassic Park inspired).  You should have seen the confidence I had in my own brilliance just one week ago: “Louisville making some noise in the Big East tournament will obviously translate into success!” “Notre Dame has impressed me all year!” “You know who I love? Washington and UCLA!” Yikes.

How are the rest of you doing this morning. Hopefully some of your brackets are slightly more promising?

-IronCityspy

P.S. Sorry about last week — Spy will be back this week with ACTUAL DC news.

Embracing Anglo-Irishism

This is always a strange day for me, as I imagine it is for many of my non-Irish brethren. As I watch the throngs of DC’s Irish American community stumble from pub to pub, I feel small pangs of envy washed away by annoyance. As much as I abhor nationalism, there is something nice about a group of people getting together to celebrate their common history and culture. Granted if I were to judge the Irish culture purely on today’s events, let’s just say it wouldn’t go very far in disproving any stereotypes.

Anyway, the annoyance comes from far more insidious roots.  It is not uncommon for me to see blatantly anti-English posts on acquaintance’s facebook walls or even posted on those very same jovial pubs. While it is definitely not unwarranted (massive understatement), it did always irk me a bit. England has been, by and large, a force for good in this world — and I don’t want whole swaths of my friends to discount it.

So I had a typically very mature and respectful reaction on most St. Patrick’s days — I wore orange.

But recently I’ve been doing some family digging, and found that like most people from Northern England, there seems to be some unspoken immigration from Ireland on my grandfather’s side (strangely coinciding with Spy finding out about her own Anglo-Irish heritage). This has certainly caused me to reevaluate everything — but it has led me to an epiphany. When Ireland and England can forget their petty differences, spectacular things can happen. Don’t believe me?

Oscar Wilde

The Beatles

Olivia Wilde

God, how did I not come to this conclusion before? I mean seriously, it doesn’t get better than that. So I guess for the first time ever, sincerely have a great St. Patrick’s day and don’t completely hate on the English. Without them, none of the above would be possible.

-IronCityspy

P.S. I would be remiss not to inform you all the Anglo-Irish marriage did cause perhaps the most unholy abomination to ever be released:

“]

shudder

People need to stop posting Charlie Sheen references

I know, I know. This post has absolutely NOTHING to do with Washington, DC. But after the 14th straight day of having to sift through “funny” Facebook and Twitter status messages that reference one of Sheen’s drug and prostitute -fueled quotes, I am ready to quit reading.

As a blogger (even a conscripted one, such as myself), a common strategy is to see what is trending on Twitter. It’s a pretty consistent way of gauging which topics will have the most traction. That being said, admitting anything I have ever written was at all influenced by twitter is grounds for my own euthanasia. Anyway, much to my dismay, “#winning” and “#tigerblood” were at the very top of the list. Want an example of what one such person thought was pressing enough to share with the rest of the world?

Despite all logic and decency saying otherwise, thanks to Charlie Sheen, Twitter has actually become more stupid.

Look, I get that us white folks love quoting things more than we even love camping or Michel Gondry, but how have you people not learned the lessons of Dave Chappelle, those awful Budweiser “Wassup?” guys, or the countless other catchphrases that we killed before it? I hate to be the one to tell you this, but reposting “funny quotes” does not have some sort of transitive property – you won’t suddenly become funny because of it. If anything, it will have the opposite effect:

Yesterday an acquaintance posted a legitimately funny picture, with the caption “Winning”. I informed him that Charlie Sheen quotes have jumped the shark and his caption detracted from the post. He responded by saying “the phrase ‘jumping the shark’ had jumped the shark and should be retired.” I rebutted with this:

God, it’s absurd how much I owned him there.

At the end of the day, the same cretins that make these posts are to blame for them even existing in the first place. At best, Charlie Sheen is a sad drug addict that clearly has some very serious mental health problems and should be treated. At worst, he is a woman-beating sociopath that should be in jail. But, for some reason, the majority of Americans are so serially unfunny they’ve made the abnormally retarded “Two and Half Men” the most popular show of the past decade, causing Charlie Sheen to make $2,000,000.00 an episode to fund his own private whore island.

The best thing to do is to stop reposting his rants, stop watching his stupid shows and move on to something a bit more challenging. It will force him to get the help he needs, save me from wanting to annihilate everything and just maybe it will make you a little funnier.  Who knows, maybe pretty soon we’ll go back to intelligent commentary like this:

-IronCityspy

The Mormons are killing college basketball

I love this time of year. The days are starting to get longer, the weather grows increasingly warm and the beautiful people are finally running outside again. Moreover, we are entering the conference tournament season for college basketball — which means March Madness is just around the corner. Locally, both the Hoyas and Mason are locks to join the big dance and (hopefully) make some noise. But while DC is euphoric, the disciples of Joseph Smith are considerably less so. Let me explain:

"Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb"

Continue reading

Stupid sun rain and other Friday links

Oh, hi weather. This isn’t a tease or anything. It’s sunny, but pouring. Oh wait, it’s sunny again — I guess I can venture outside. Nope! Windstorm and downpour — despite there being almost no cloud cover. I am sure there is some kind of atmospheric explanation for this phenomenon (err, climate change?), but frankly I don’t have time for learning. All I know is it’s stupid and shouldn’t be tolerated. Speaking of intolerable, you are stuck with another IronCityspy post as Spy is in the midst of interviews and various networking engagements. Let’s see if I can scrounge up any interesting links for you all:

Oh good -- sun rain

Spy will be back next week — happy Friday!

-IronCtyspy

Happy President’s Day everyone!

A pretty accurate portrayal in most Tea Bagger's minds.

Happy President’s Day everyone! Spy and I are off to go to a museum, or maybe a hike or probably just binge on like 9 straight hours of Netflix tv shows. However you plan to spend it, take some time to remember that Jesus (personally) gave George Washington the Constitution and we all lived happily ever after (until the gays tried to ruin it all by marrying each other). Look forward to a proper post tomorrow!

-IronCityspy

Nhu Lan in the Eden Center (Falls Church) is amazing

I have three talents in this world:

  1. Attracting unbelievably awkward situations
  2. Losing my check card
  3. Destroying my phone in impossibly stupid ways

Talent 1 happens nearly daily and talent 3 happened two weeks ago — so I can’t really do that again.  Which leaves us with talent 2. I really don’t know how I can lose it with such frequency – I tend to be serial killer obsessed with keeping things in their preassigned places. So here I am (again), trying to make it through the week with only $20 dollars or so in cash until my new card arrives.

“But IronCityspy! Why not use your credit card?!?!?!”

Also lost.

“But IronCityspy! How about going to your bank and withdrawing money?!?!?!

That would be awesome, except I choose my bank based on how badly I feel for it. As such, I picked a bank with precisely 4 locations and all of them far away.

Fairly accurate representation

Anyway, I was prepared to get my third stupid $5 footlong of the week, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. So as I was about to trudge my way to CVS (only place to get a comparable under $5 meal) I had the genius idea to Google “cheap Arlington lunch”. To my eternal pleasure they spat out THIS!!!

As casual readers of this blog know, Spy and I are Pho phanatics — and for quite some time we’ve been meaning to go to the Eden Center. The Eden center is this crazy stip mall in Falls Church that  looks like it was pulled right out of Saigon. In addition to all the delicious restaurants, there are a whole assortment of stores for the primarily Vietnamese clientele. Moreover, we’ve been meaning to try this particular sandwich shop since Bourdain featured it on “No Reservations”.

Pulling in was something of a trip. I was definitely the only non-Asian there — which is certainly not a bad thing (you know the food is good when you see the indigenous frequent it). It took me a while to find the shop, as it was tucked away in the back of the mall, but god when I did was it exactly what I wanted it to be:

Hole in the wall

The entire shop could fit in my apartment (and I mean every inch of it), there were only two tables and a list of 6 sandwich options. Now for the uninitiated, banh mi sandwiches are this wonderful amalgamation of French baguette and Vietnamese ingredients and flavors (who said imperialism never did any good?). I opted for the shredded pork and pig skin, but if I did it over I’d either go with the pâté (which I suspect is just head cheese) or the meatballs. However, the sandwich was AMAZING. Warmed and buttered baguette with pork, an assortment of marinated vegetables, and some delicious spread (with fish sauce). Simply one of the best sandwich experiences of my life. But here is the kicker:

1. They were basically the size of a foot long

2. THEY COST $3.50 a piece!!!!!

So dear readers, do yourself a favor. Make your way over there and experience probably the only good thing to come out of French Indo-China. There are certainly other places that sell banh mi, but no where near as good. Though maybe do it before you lose your check card.

-IronCityspy

Nhu Lan Sandwich Shop

6763 Wilson Blvd Ste 14
Falls Church, VA 22044

(703) 532-9009

George Mason goes viral

My humble alma mater, George Mason University, has been riding some pretty good publicity lately. They were officially ruled no longer a commuter school(thank God for that), have Virginia’s first LEED Gold hotel (yay?), can count on Bill Murray’s fandom and have a basketball team that very likely will be ranked in the top 25 this week (assuming we don’t blow it against some crappy competition). To take advantage of this last point, GMU released a really awesomely bad viral video below. Now it’s not the greatest thing ever created, but I certainly give an A for effort. I especially like it at the 1:46 mark:

Not bad right?

I think what makes me so happy is Mason realizes it’s position and doesn’t attempt to sugar-coat it. It’s the little brother of the local schools (alright, let’s face it, the severly retarded little brother that the rest of the family doesn’t really like to talk about — or feed). They aren’t going to get anywhere pretending they have the athletic clout of a Georgetown or Maryland, and thankfully they seem to realize this. But just like the academics and campus itself, the program has grown tremendously in just the 8 or so years I’ve been aware of it.

The final four was a really neat way to end my senior year, and something I’ll always cherish. But to me, the more substantial take away is the steady growth I’ve seen this program make. Any team can make a shock run in the college tournament — but a great program should contend for the postseason every year. I am proud to say all evidence seems to be pointing up — now please God don’t let us lose to James Madison.

-IronCityspy

Who are DC’s best residents?

So we have decided to do something incredibly dangerous and unreasonably irresponsible. We are going to rely on you, the theoretical readers, to help complete an upcoming blog post. Yes the same readers that have sent no fewer than three death threats, accused spy of being something that rhymes with “bunt” and apparently think Christians are an oppressed minority.

It's amazing what Google Images spits out

So what is the glorious task your motherblog requires of you? We are attempting to write about the top 5 DC residents, and want to make sure we have as deep a pool as possible. DC is home to world-famous authors, journalists, personalities, chefs and more — and we want to be sure we celebrate them.  However there is a bit of a catch; we really want to stay away from mentioning politicos. Why?

  1. It’s cheating as most of these people are only here on the short-term, and almost all of them bitch publicly about how they’d rather be in their podunk district.
  2. It just confirms how nerdy we are — a stereotype some of us would like to revise, if not abolish completely.

So we need you, our readers, to start submitting your favorite citizens. We make no promise to use your suggestions — and may even mock them — but we want to make sure no stone is left unturned. In addition to the above criteria, here are a few other helpful hints:

  • Anyone with the last name “Obama” is disqualified
  • The Salahi’s absolutely don’t count. If your submissions are such big fame whores that they’d be willing to be interviewed by this blog, they certainly don’t belong.
  • For the love of God no pundits.
  • If a single “Real Housewife” is mentioned, I’ll throw myself out a window.

With all that out of the way, please feel free to send your submission to ispythingsdc@gmail.com, or just leave them as a comment. We’ll be posting later this week — or next — or whenever we get around to it.

-IronCityspy

DC weather forecast is a harbinger for end of days

This morning I made the unfortunate decision to have a look at DC’s weekly weather forecast over on TBD. This is what I found:

Just the beginning

Jesus what is going on with Wednesday?!?!?! Armageddon has to be at hand — I honestly can think of no other plausible explanation.  I mean why else would a random 20 degree shift (note: 10 minutes earlier it was a 30 degree difference) from the day before, only to then plummet back the original temperature? I mean, I am not exactly the most religious person out there, but let’s just say I won’t be shocked if I see the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man walking down New Hampshire on Wednesday.

All kidding aside, I don’t think I’ll ever get used the Russian roulette climate that seems to permeate here. It’s incredibly difficult to get one’s body acclimated to a certain season, if less than 8 hours later nature whiplashes to the complete opposite. Enjoy the brief respite on Wednesday, I guarantee your immune system won’t.

-IronCityspy

Tip of the cap to Kevin for warning us all.