DC Christmas tree pickup is shockingly depressing

Most of us DC transplants grew up in a suburb in some form or fashion. Well, except for those really, really irritating Manhattan bastards that can’t understand how we survived not being in a city. “Didn’t you find it stifling?!?!” Of course we found it stifling! Every second of our adolescence was nothing more than a prolonged, awkward, stifled existence. That trial by fire is part of the reason we are so well adjusted — unlike our Manhattanite counterparts that are clearly excellent candidates for stabbing.

Charlie Brown has nothing on this

Anyway, it was always a sad day when the Christmas trees came down and we had to reenter school. Thankfully, I never really had to witness that mental carnage. The tree was usually taken down while I was at school, and the local garbageman had disposed of it before my return. If he did not, the tree would wait outside my house, wrapped in it’s own skirt that weeks earlier held presents. There was a sort of nice poetry in that — leaving the world wrapped in something that was a part of that tree’s very existence. I am not trying to be sentimental, as I know the tree doesn’t exactly care what becomes of it, but visually I always thought that was nice.

Well apparently DC missed this memo. As TBD reported, starting last week, DC is now picking up discarded Christmas trees. It was supposed to have happened all of last week, but considering not a single one was removed from an 8 block radius of my apartment, it doesn’t surprise me that they will now continue pickup until the 15th.

Yea, this doesn't destroy your soul on the way to work

So what is the proper way to dispose of trees in our nation’s capital? Why, throw them in the nearest tree box of course! Should we wrap them in that nice skirt? Nope! Just your naked, depressing tree. Don’t worry about the 1,000 needles that are going to fall off in the process, all part of the Christmas miracle!

This wouldn’t be so bad if DC were at all quick in their collection of the trees. However, seeing as they seem to think collecting them is a seasonal endeavor, I have to literally pass my old tree on the way to work EVERY DAY. As if walking to work in the cold, gray DC winter wasn’t depressing enough. Now I get to do so being surrounded by a sort of Christmas tree holocaust.

So DC, how about doing us a favor? Going back to real life is sad enough. But being surrounded by the corpses of holiday cheer really doesn’t help matters — so can you please try to pick those trees up in the next week or so? Much obliged.


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