So as petite roommate commented in my previous post, two things generally appear when spy is overworked. The first is some gummy/candy/soda combination, which provides sugar as well as 1st grade happiness that I am eating an adorable food such as a gummy bear or shark bite. The second is my owl sweatshirt. It was purchased at a thrift store and is reserved for the most depressing of times. It is from a random organization, the powder blue color goes well with frumpy sweatpants, and has a bizarre little burrowing owl (my favorite of owls) pictured on the front. They look like this:
Not the smartest of owls. The sweatshirt is also the first thing that came to mind when I read that tons of people in the DC area entered a lottery to camp out for 24 hours on a sidewalk for a lifetime supply of Chick-Fil-A sandwiches. Yes. Only 100 people were given the opportunity to camp out. Sigh. It’s not like 24 hours is that bad for a lifetime supply of sandwiches (although your lifespan will decrease if you actually consume your Chick-Fil-A sandwich entitlement). It just seems so…NOT worth it. Here are the reasons why:
- Chick-Fil-A is overrated. Look. If I am going to join unfit America to get a lifetime supply of food that is outrageously unhealthy and kills American small farmers, it better be DELICIOUS. I am talking Cinnabon, Panda Express orange chicken/chow mein combo, Whopper with cheese, McDonalds fries levels of delicious. Not chicken sandwich with a pickle. Really Chick-Fil-A? I expect better.
- Chick-Fil-A loves Jesus but not gays. Yeah. Chick-Fil-A supports Dobson’s Focus on the Family (awful), is a sponsor of nearly every evangelical rally that comes to DC (shoot in face), and allegedly has not hired employees that “look gay” (reload gun). My sandwiches must love the LGBT community.
- Chick-Fil-A has this on their website:
- It is awkward conversation central. Could you imagine? Nothing to talk about save your love of a stupid sandwich for 24-hours while people of completely different ages and backgrounds play terrible music and force conversation??? Voluntary social entrapment, in the cold, on a sidewalk. Never.
- It does not come with a lifetime supply of Tums. This is a simple cost-benefit analysis. Your body will rebel and you will need to fight back. Tums are perfect. Especially since Tums now makes peppermint SMOOTHIES. God. SO much better original Tums. Banana? Horrid.
- I want to maximize my lifespan. I am a preservationist above all else. And sure, I could buy friends Chick-Fil-A but you know they have strict rules on that card. And even if I did, what a terrible gift. “Oh I was going to get you an xbox but instead you can use my Chick-Fil-A card for 6 months, except that I would probably have to accompany you every time you went so make sure to call first, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”
So that’s it. I wouldn’t do it. Would you?