So yesterday this happened:
Rage explosion. You know the reaction. The all too familiar feelings of exhaustion, hunger and anger build up throughout the day to ultimately coalesce into a BALL OF RAGE at the vending machine. You kick it, you shake it, but deep down you knew that the angle and size of the sun chip bag was perfect snag material. So yesterday, as I was watching this stupid situation unfold, I thought…why hasn’t this problem been resolved? Why am I still waiting at a 1970s vending machine for stupid chip bag while animals have been cloned?? And then I thought, I know! Other countries have amazing vending machines, don’t they?? Indeed they do. Observe:
The fresh made pizza vending machine and the medical marijuana vending machine. The Italian masterpiece makes and bakes the pizza in the machine and delivers it fresh to you. AMAZING. You can even choose different toppings. The “medical marijuana” vending machine is found in California (of course), and is apparently highly supervised. Whatever. We can now buy weed and snacks at the same place. Gold mine.
The smart car vending machine and the “anger release” vending machine. Nothing says drunk impulse buy than a car in a vending machine (at least it’s an environmental car!). Although it may not beat the AMAZING “anger release” vending machine. Apparently they are in NYC hipster areas, but basically give you stuff to smash (not environmental! ) when you have a bad day. Want to smash the cat statue. Need one.
The french fries vending machine and the coke robot vending machine. The french fries vending machine apparently deep fries things IN the machine. They do fries and chicken and…prawns. No, I don’t think I would trust the prawns. Meanwhile, the coke robot machine apparently walks ar0und Tokyo and talks to you. How ungodly frightening. The last thing I want is that THING following me home.
Okay, this last one is really bad but sort of hilarious. Basically, it’s the claw game but you get a live lobster. Look, if you are an environmentalist, just claw the little guy and set him free. If you are not, I guess you sort of “hunted” for your food. It’s Japan. What did you expect? SPEAKING of Japan, they also developed this:
Yes. It’s a vending machine that tells you what to order. The machines have sensors that recognize age and sex with a 75% accuracy. It also changes based on the temperature and other factors.Ridiculous.
Oh, cafeteria vending machine, you shame me. The world has left you behind…