Today, as many of you know, is the first day of fall. This is news that seems to be lifting the spirits of nearly everyone I encounter. If my Facebook newsfeed is any indication of the zeitgeist around town (and I think the nearly unending Glee references proves this), it seems everyone is greeting this news with unfettered excitement. But my question, as always, is why?
What has summer done to earn such derision? Why are the warm and wonderful emotions I associate with summer lost on so many others? Why doesn’t everyone else see fall for what it truly is – the death rattle of everything good and decent before a long winter sets in? Like in nearly all my arguments, I am unquestionably right in this. The rest of you have likely not considered all the advantages that summer brings:
1. Long nights. Is there anything more depressing than leaving work at 6:00 pm and it is already pitch black? Essentially trading one black hole for another? Summer has light until well past 8:30 pm – allowing for a well-lit walk home, long barbecues, happy hours, etc… God, plus it’s warm at night so no need for a jacket. Summer thoroughly owns on this one.
2. Barbecues. I’ve heard it argued people can still barbecue during fall. This is too asinine a concept to even consider. Summer is built on outdoor grilling – and God bless it. During fall, the only grilling that occurs is tailgating before a football game. While this is a wonderful ritual in its own right – it necessitates a game. During summer, the only thing required for a barbecue is a grill.
3. Outdoor dining/drinking. Is there anything nicer than enjoying a meal outdoors? How about a patio/rooftop deck for happy hour? DC (like many other cities) is littered with hundreds of these phenomenal options – and makes me mourn the loss of warmth already. No, naysayers, standing under a heat lamp is not the same. I am not a lizard.
4. Swimming. Can you go to the pool during fall? No? How about the beach? What? I can visit a beach and just gaze upon its majesty during fall – but not actually swim in it? What a stupid idea.
5. Baseball games. I am from Pittsburgh – my beloved Pirates just polished off their 18th consecutive losing season (it just graduated high school) – but God will I be damned if anyone brushes aside the awesomeness of baseball games. The games may not be action-packed and the teams are certainly lousy – but for atmosphere and a great way to enjoy the aforementioned summer evenings, there is no better alternative.
6. Appearance. Human beings naturally look better in the summer. This is just a fact of science. We are more apt to lose weight (the opposite is true during fall/winter, when our stupid bodies think we need to gain some for the coming winter) and be more active. Additionally, even the most vampiric of people (me) can gain a little color thanks to moderate exposure to the elements. Granted, my hair does turn rather Tim Burtony during these months, but it’s a noble sacrifice.
This is but a short list, as I could honestly go on for ages. Look, I am not denying that fall has certain advantages. My clothes are better fit for it, I love the seasonal food and drink and my weekends are considerably better with football in them. But summer needs to be better appreciated. Even today people are complaining that it’s too hot for fall and where is the cool weather? Comrades, this is summer’s last gift of warmth and beauty. Enjoy it, as before long you’ll be cold, pale and staring another long winter in the face.