i spy things DC

Pretty crazy day in the  DC area, no?  A clearly deranged environmental fanatic (who is also strangely anti-immigration) has (allegedly) taken a hostage at the  Discovery Channel’s downtown Silver Spring headquarters. Details are still very murky, but his “demands” can be viewed here (update: looks like his site either crashed or was taken down. You can view the manifesto here)

While we won’t bother posting the entire diatribe, here are a few choice sections:

1. The Discovery Channel and it’s affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn’s “My Ishmael” pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other’s inventive ideas.

Never heard of the book? Me neither — here is the Wikipedia entry on it:  “My Ishmael is a sequel to the novel Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. Its plot revolves around a gorilla named Ishmael who describes his philosophy regarding tribal society to Julie, a twelve-year-old girl.”

Oh good. Daily TV shows based on a book starring a talking Gorilla.

2. All programs on Discovery Health-TLC must stop encouraging the birth of any more parasitic human infants and the false heroics behind those actions. In those programs’ places, programs encouraging human sterilization and infertility must be pushed. All former pro-birth programs must now push in the direction of stopping human birth, not encouraging it.

I mean — that language is a bit harsh, but I can’t entirely fault him on this one. He is no less crazy than the Duggar’s, yet they get their own TV show. I think we can all agree “Dogs 101″ would make a more than adequate solution.

5. Immigration: Programs must be developed to find solutions to stopping ALL immigration pollution and the anchor baby filth that follows that. Find solutions to stopping it.

…and apparently he is a Lou Dobbs fan. I mean everything he wrote was unquestionably crazy, but at least it followed a clear narrative. This just seems out of right field

11. You’re also going to find solutions for unemployment and housing. All these unemployed people makes me think the US is headed toward more war.

Okay, now I question he knows what TV is.

I could keep doing this forever. But in all seriousness, this is a very terrible situation and I hope it comes to a quick and peaceful end. If you have any information, please feel free to leave it as a comment.

-IronCityspy