A Recap of the Miss Universe Pageant: Miss America goes USA all over their asses

So Monday was the 2010 Miss Universe pageant. SPOILER ALERT Miss Mexico won. She was crowned queen of the universe. Technically she should be queen of the Earth, since she beat out all of Earth’s countries, but we lost our chance to join the Federation of Planets  long ago:

Anyways, the race was tight for awhile with Miss Philippines close on Miss Mexico’s heels until our Southeast Asian competitor was asked in the interview portion “what is one big mistake you made in your life and what did you do to make it right?” and responded thusly:

“In my 22 years of existence, I can say there is nothing major — I mean, problems — that I have done in my life, because I am very confident with my family with the love they have given me. Thank you so much that I am here!!”

Yikes. There is a reason the interview is only one question. So yes, she lost, Mexico won and now I can talk about the best part of Miss Universe: the National costume contest. This is the section of the pageant where the contestants parade around  in skanky/drag queen versions of their country’s traditional dress. It’s my favorite. And these are my favorites of my favorite, in VERSUS form:

MOST BADASS: USA vs. Venezuela

Winner: USA! USA! It’s a goddamn golden eagle suit. America, f*ck yeah!

BEST FANCY HAT: Kazakhstan vs. Panama vs. Lebanon

Winner: Panama. Simply because so many endangered species died for that hat. Runner up to Lebanon for winning the Hogwarts vote and having no perceived cultural relevance.

MOST SKANKY: “Battle of the Balkans” Albania vs. Croatia

Winner: Croatia. It’s a bathing suit in Croatian flag colors with mardi gras beads. Although I do like the heaven & hell party skank-eagle.

THE EMBARRASSMENT OF EUROPE: France vs. Great Britain

Winner: France. Nothing says Chanel like a beret with an Eiffel Tower glued to it. Although I am disappointed in England, “beefeater” had so many skank possibilities.

SADDEST DEVELOPING COUNTRY: Zambia

Jesus. Those are the saddest gourd boobs I have ever seen. As if it wasn’t hard enough in Zambia. If you want more national costumes, you can find them here and here. Congrats again Miss Mexico!

7 thoughts on “A Recap of the Miss Universe Pageant: Miss America goes USA all over their asses

  1. Didn’t J-Lo wear Miss Panama’s costume to the Anaconda premier?
    No? Well ,she should have.
    And thanks for clearing up whatever happened to all of those Princesses from the Middle Ages. Guinevere’s in Lebanon! Who knew?

  2. Ms. Lebanon’s hat is a very traditional lebanese hat worn mostly by druze lebanese. Please do your research before making any ignorant comments.

  3. Hey Sara, please start listing the cultural significance of the other 9 costumes above. This is an idiotic competition covered by a blog that once created it’s own LOLcat. Anyone that is arguing the Miss Universe competition is a hotbed for traditional culture and global understanding needs to be euthanized immediately. Please try developing some perspective and a sense of humor before commenting next time.

  4. I really prefer gold coins over gold bullions. Gold coins such as Krugerrand but also Australian Lunar goldcoins the following motives especially Horse coins and dont of course Canadas Maple Leaf gold coins and Gold Nugget from Australia

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