Top Chef Recap EP06: If revenge is a dish best served COLD, then put on your Sunday finest…

Detente at the judges table

 …It’s time to feast! Forgive me. That is another Batman and Robin Mr. Freeze quote. I had to look them up for my Baskin Robbins article earlier this week and became OBSESSED with the terribleness. Remember the bat-card?? Anyways, tonight’s Top Chef’s theme was “Cold War,” a challenge filled with talk of conspiracies, tactical games, cheftestants pitted against one another, “cold” food, Nixon references and GOOD GOD we get it. We get the reference. We got it when you said it. Just STOP. 

But let’s start from the beginning… 

 Quickfire: Exotic Lands 

Michelle Bernstein (Michy’s Miami) is the guest judge for no apparent reason other than she is cheftestant Andrea’s rival. Apparently Miami isn’t big enough for the both of them, which makes no sense since it’s MIAMI. They can both do fine. The chef’s have to cook exotic proteins (emu eggs, duck testicles, alligator etc), which they begin doing until M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN TWIST, they have to take the person’s protein next to them.

The confrontation of rivals

Chorus of  yay/rats ensues and Kelly wins for keeping it simple with an emu egg omelete. They also like Tamesha’s duck tongue soup. Andrea is among the losers for chewy wild boar. Glares and sulks accordingly. Kevin calls duck testicles “duck nuts” after Angelo attempts to make a duck testicle marshmallow (dry heave) out of them, which was definitely the highlight of the quickfire.

Elimination Challenge: The Cold War  

The elimination challenge theme is “Cold War,” a challenge that entailed cooking COLD food and having cheftestants judge each other’s dishes from 2 teams. Each team chose a cheftestant to be in the bottom: a tactic not unlike the premise of the reality show “the Weakest Link” or, in a more accurate comparison, the Cold War. 

The Judges Table

The setting is on the USS Sequoia, which is the “boat version” of Air Force One. Fine. The cheftestants were merciless with their criticisms of one another, picking apart the acidity, seasoning and everything possible. Tiffany recognized the ridiculousness of this, and I loved her for it. OH and we find out Ed banged (oh yes he said “banged”) Angelo’s girlfriend in college while he was dating her and Tiffany is engaged. WHA?? So much Ed DRAMA.

The Verdict: The Wall Falls 

Kenny and Tamesha ended up on the bottom, while Kevin and Tiffany were at the top. Angelo’s team voted Kenny at the bottom, which prompted alot of Cold War-like SUSPICION. In the end, Kevin won for a pine nut beef carpaccio that looked good, but maybe not as good as Tiffany’s ahi tuna soup. Tamesha obviously lost. She had to. They were not going to get rid of Kenny. Her rhubarb jus scallops looked awful. As for Kenny, guest judge Michelle let him know his dish was genuinely terrible. However, it seemed like a toss up between his and Amanda’s chicken galantine with cartilage. Ew. 

Tamesha can't find a win

 Final Thoughts: As we move into next episode, I am getting angrier with Top Chef. Please stop with the political gimmicks and the out-of-town judges. We have good local restaurants and good local chefs that you really should spotlight. Top Chef DC is a PR opportunity for DC too. It shows people OUR food and OUR town. But I guess that’s too much to ask. Sigh. Onto the “CIA” challenge.

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