Yes DC media outlets, it is effing hot outside

 Correction, it’s hot as balls outside. Effing hot is not sufficient. 

Drink in the Haze

You see, I noticed that blogs around town like to report on the weather despite the fact there is really nothing to say. Yes, it’s 100+ degrees outside and, per, it’s looking like it will stay that way until Thursday. And yes, it feels like 100% humidity. However, it seems people forget that DC is ALWAYS LIKE this. In short, a DC summer is:  

  • 1 liter of heat
  • 3 cups swamp-humidity
  • 3 tbsp of thunderstorm
  • 2 tsp of mosquito
  • a splash of particulate matter
  • a pinch of intern
  • Add ozone to taste

Straight up. It also happens to be the weather of today, two weeks ago, a year ago, 2 years ago and forever.  Though some news outlets have upped their game recently. Recognizing the inadequacy of an “it’s hot, no really it is” headline, they have begun a WEATHER SENSATIONALIZING BATTLE.

So dear readers, not only is it hot, but DC has issued an official heat advisory alert, air quality advisory code “red” (means unhealthy, not mountain dew-y), power is going out, kids are dying in cars, and, until about an hour ago, Maryland rationed water. It’s true. A water main broke in Montgomery and Prince George’s counties on Thursday, leaving residents short on water until an hour ago. The pits.  

Nobody makes it to the Jefferson Memorial

Oh and it’s ozone season apparently. Of course it is. So yes, we are all miserable and misery loves company. Well, except employees. I mean, it IS their time to shine. So unless you are a meteorologist, grab your patriot pop and head for the pool this weekend. Huzzah for a 4-day week!  

delicious and American!

One thought on “Yes DC media outlets, it is effing hot outside

  1. I find that the decline in the modern news media and the shift towards blogging as the predominate method of informing the masses is due in large part to the lack of Mountain Dew references in the reporting in my morning paper. Keep it up, and I think I smell a Pulitzer!

    Or should I say, “dew in large part.”

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