Top Chef note-taking after 5 glasses of wine produces slightly inaccurate results

Reader(s), I failed you yesterday. I failed to write a recap of wednesday night’s Top Chef, which was the one consistent thing I claimed this blog would do. Well that, and show pictures of kittens on occasion to brighten the mood. Like this: 


And now we are happier. Anyways, I wanted to explain why I didn’t recap. You see, I did watch Top Chef and I did take notes. However, I did so after one…or five glasses of wine. My brain at the time thought these notes were excellent. Turns out they were, well, this: 

pie: quickfire, pies live in the clouds with the unicorns, almond blueberry pie looked DISGUSTING. picnic challenge: in my 20s i did a bunch of pills, cocaine, anything I could get my hands on, took alex’s braise even though were open ovens b/c she had a label? “id want to eat the ass out of this pig ALL day,” timothy BM not good, sad, INTERN, “she f*cking killed it” angelo, arnold won, lamb ball, tracey lost, fennel suasage sandwich. looked gross. gueast judge??? look up tomorrow. DONE. 

And yes, I wrote “DONE” in a triumphant fashion, happy with my product. The notes were obviously unusuable. However, for those interested in Top Chef, here is my translation of…myself: 

The quickfire was to make a pie, someone said “pies live in the clouds with the unicorns,” and Tracey made the most disgusting pie I had ever seen. Observe: 

Awful (via

 The main challenge was to create a picnic meal, during which Amanda said “in my 20s i did a bunch of pills, cocaine, anything I could get my hands on” and then proceeded to throw a fit over Alex putting something in her oven even though other ovens were open. Alex cooked pig rear and talked about eating the ass out of it all day. Timothy from Baltimore was a disappointment, which saddened me, while Angelo thought Amanda “f*cking killed it” with her ribs. Arnold won for some lamb ball, Tracey was kicked off with a gross fennel sausage sandwich and i missed who the guest judge was (it was Jonathan Waxman).

I have no idea why I wrote INTERN all caps. I guess because interns attended the picnic? Lesson of the day: note-taking after 5 glasses of wine does not a good article make. That being said, Crazytown Amanda may be my favorite cheftestant. Did a bunch of pills, cooked sherry-chicken for children, then came out on top this week? Reality show gold Amanda, BRAVO.

6 thoughts on “Top Chef note-taking after 5 glasses of wine produces slightly inaccurate results

  1. It’s as I always suspected. Cats don’t like top hats. Not even on adorable little “kitten rappers”.
    Top Chef fascination remains a genetic mystery. I would definitely need at least 5 glasses of wine just to watch. No amount of alcohol could make me take notes.

  2. useless. I am not even going to try to convert you to reality food television. However, this season IS based in my town. Hence the increased interest and note-taking. But how about that kitten with a hat on?? Now THAT’S worth posting.

    And K the rod, I must admit I am quite rusty since college. It’s a skill that requires practice to maintain. Practice I sadly have not had.

  3. I was going to invite you and IronCitySpy to a wine event but it’s clear that you are out of control.

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