OK. So travel channel has this show Food Wars where the host goes to different cities to settle local rivalries about famous food items. Basically, two establishments battle one another over a food, locals are interviewed, and the winner is decided by a panel of judges. The food is as you would expect in places, cheesesteaks in philly, hot wings in Buffalo, BBQ in Texas, and… jumbo slice in DC? Wait, what?
We got effing JUMBO SLICE??? Jesus. Of course DC’s mark on the U.S. culinary landscape would be wasted-face pizza. Although the judges DID have to eat it sober, which is more than I would ever do.
Anyways, the battle was between Pizza Mart and Jumbo Slice Pizza. Don’t worry, I had no idea which ones those were either. I mean, reading comprehension and jumbo slice don’t really go together. So, I actually researched it and discovered I had eaten at both probably a million times. Their signs look like this…
Picture 1 by Patty.J
Yes. NOW you recognize them. I had the same reaction. Pizza Mart is that one sort of in the middle of the 18th St. strip next to Rhumba cafe and Grand Central, while jumbo slice is down further towards Florida, near Tom Tom. God. stupid Tom Tom, packed with its stupid happy kickball leagues.
ANYWAYS, so who won you ask? Carla from Top Chef (random) cast the final vote and it was….Pizza Mart!!
Yay? I guess? Wait, I am kind of getting them confused again. Hm. Though unlike other food war episodes I have seen, this one taste tester when asked for his critique simply said jumbo slice was “gross.” That’s it, nothing about the “sauce being too tangy” or “overly seasoned” or anything critical and introspective like on other episodes. Just “pizza was gross.” Ha, perfect. It was the ideal level of analysis to give jumbo slice. Though, Food Wars aside, it will be a long time before I venture to Pizza Mart in the harsh light of day. That’s just another level.
(OH, for those of you that DO judge big slice, I would cast my vote for Duccini’s or Albertos (if Albertos counts). The rest are a drunk wash in my mind)