Dear Whole Foods,
I am an environmentalist. I am. I have actually dedicated my career to saving trees and birds and things and I make semi-decent income doing it. But for the life of me, the LIFE of me, I can never remember to bring my reusable bag to the grocery store. I can’t help it. It’s like I’m programmed to forget. And whenever I go up there, I always end up behind one of your pretty young minions with a bedazzled eco tote that looks like this:
Usually accompanied by a dog that looks like this:
God. PUNT. And then, without fail, I get that look. That ‘way to club a seal’ type of look. I want to say that Muffins’s dog sweater wasted more resources than my stupid paper bag. But I can’t. I am the bottom of the Whole Foods chain. SO, I just buy my $12 bag of grapes and slink out. Ashamed.
Whole Foods, I commend your reusable bag movement, plastic bags are truly a tremendous waste of materials. I love your prepared meals that are perfect for the lazy dinner party. But on behalf of dedicated yet forgetful environmentalists everywhere, do not judge those that don’t carry an eco bag. Many of us try, we really do, we just forget things at times, and then remember, but then it’s already too late, and we don’t own cars and use public transport so we can’t get back in time and really just wanted a snack. That’s all. We would all be grateful.